Today was my last day of undergrad classes, and it feels kind of surreal. In high school, the whole school environment was hyped up and the classes were lax, knowing that soon we’ll all be on our way and off to our respective colleges. Today, on the other hand, was just like any other day. Sitting in the last days of class and nonchalantly going about our business as if nothing out of the ordinary was going to be happening a few days later. But now that I’m sitting and pondering the events of the day, I realize that…it’s over. Finally.

I have never worked so hard in my life to get to where I am today. Does this sentence even make sense? Well you know what I mean. High school was tough. College was tougher, and life from this point will be far from anything easier. I’m just shocked at how far I have come. I am also scared about the realization of having to move on from school and discover what’s next in my life. I do not have a job lined up. I don’t have any plans aside from staying in Seattle and beginning the hunt. I have never had such little direction in my life as I do at this moment. It’s very, very frightening. But I know I will survive.

On another note, I attended two award ceremonies tonight in recognition of my ASUW job as the Asian Student Commissioner and the Yellow Rose Ceremony for AKPsi. First off, I have to admit that I was a bit disappointed that I was not recognized at all for my work as a commission director. I know that experience is the true reward and try to reaffirm this to myself, though I cannot help but feel as if my work went unrecognized – or – perhaps it wasn’t good enough in comparison to my peers? Either way, winning something here would have meant a lot to me, but since I haven’t, I won’t try and beat myself up over what I cannot change. I will just have to work harder in the future or at least reach farther beyond what I believed my limits were.

As for AKPsi, I ended up winning ‘Member of the Year’ which I am really proud of. The members saw that I was committed in everything that I do. They recognized the hard work I put not only into the fraternity, but also throughout my community. So, I am grateful and happy for this. At least some of the toils and hard work paid off in this form.

Though I must admit that it makes me uncomfortable to read back at this in retrospect. I think to myself, “Am I so shallow for wanting material objects to quantity the value in my actions?” Is that something really necessary in the quality of my person? I hope not. I tell myself that it isn’t. Though having that recognition at the end of the day sure as heck wouldn’t hurt.