I have felt so ugly recently.
The opportune moment to capture,
any truth that tends to hide.

I’m extremely rusty, but I miss the studio.
Put me there – I seek to pose in the lens
and see what comes out the other end.

It’s unfortunate how I feel like I have no one to relate to,
at least in my age group, about my decision to stop drinking.

A couple of weeks ago, I decided to quit until New Years Day at the very least. The motivation for this choice was that I really needed to focus on school. Alcohol seemed to drain the intelligence out of me, so it was about time that I took a long, liver-recuperating break. My European adventures plus this intense quarter of the party life wasn’t helping either. I had trained my body to become accustomed to booze at such an extent that even now, my body kinda craves it.

I used to think about those people in Alcoholics Anonymous and wonder, “How could that be so addicting? I mean, it’s not like alcohol was crack or something.” But now that I have quit literally cold turkey, I feel like I can somewhat relate to their symptoms of withdrawal. I really can’t describe it, but I feel uneasy and restless, unable to concentrate. Psychologically I know that I am dedicated to keeping my goal, but physically I crave the taste of liquor. I crave the state of mind I get after a few beers. It’s all a sick mentality when I take a step back and analyze it. Overall, the situation I was in can be summed up in one word: Unhealthy. The culmination of all those negatives really pushed me to stop.

But it’s hard to go at it alone. Of course all my peers have just turned 21 or are beginning to venture into the party scene. Even those once super-abstained and reserved are sippin’ the cissor at every social occasion they can get to. It’s so crazy how the roles have reversed. I seem to be the single person hoping to step back from this lifestyle and swim upstream toward a cleaner past.

This brings me to remember all those other people from my past who said at one point they wanted to drink less, but now that I recall, it was merely superficial. Perhaps it was the cool thing to quit, or at least say they wanted to. But then again, no one ever did. No one ever made a commitment. That is where I hope to deviate from their choices and hold strong in the face of temptation in sight of a greater goal.

Just that living in an environment of such extreme hedonism, makes me want to falter. Yet overall, I am taking this period as a work out for my psyche. If I train my willpower to endure this now, then that is just opening up the door for becoming stronger in resisting other things that are bad for me – hence, phasing out all the negativity in my life.

( I just read this entry to myself, and it sounds sooooo gaysian.
However, it was just something bothering me. It just needed to be said, although it does sound like a petty rant. Hah.

And I also found it amusing how I felt the need to justify my entry. Sigh on my self-image. )

Every year I grow prouder of my school.

I was studying for a while in Suzzallo Library when I came across this pamphlet talking about the history of the library. Looking through it reminded me of photos I saw of old Berlin, Breitscheidplatz-Charlottenburg area in particular near the Kaiser Wilhelm Gedächtniskirche (yeah I know, names aren’t short). It’s fun to imagine how UW might have looked in the past, before it’s various reconstructions. It appeared as though we would have been walking through European-esque streets of gothic buildings. Considering how big the campus is now, it’d be like we would be living in a small town surrounded by a lake, forest, and Mt. Rainier in the background. It’s pretty exciting to think about actually. I’ve included a picture below:

See more pictures, read more entry

It’s so true how you can take life for granted.
Cliche’s are the truth and this one speaks volumes.

Today my dog passed away, and although I knew it was soon and inevitable with her old age, when I finally got that call, I couldn’t help but fall into tears. You can never fully prepare for the loss of a life — emotions you never knew were there come in the darkest of hours to engulf you. I wish I had been more kind, spent more time, learned to embrace a little more often. I miss my dog: Snoopy.

Yet as I reflect, I can only recall the good times. Peaceful, fun memories of my dog stand out the most, and in that respect, I am really proud of her life and our relationship. We got her on Sept. 10 when I was only in the 5th grade. In those first days, we stared at each other from across the room, and she would bark at me as if I were a total stranger. She would climb and jump across the couches like a wild beast, far beyond my ability to tame. But as time grew on, she learned to cuddle with me on my seat. She sat behind my back while I was in my chair, clinging to warmth, showing such affection that only a close bond could recreate. She would learn our silly language like “shi shi.” That was the signal for her to go out to the backyard. Opening the drawer above the cereal meant that it was time for her walk which made her enthralled and immediately she would run to the gate, waiting to be released upon the world. She also had a habit of crawling under my covers as I slept. She just wanted to be close; as do we all in need of affection. These are but a glimpse among countless memories and stories of her life: all positive, all in my heart, all worth cherishing forever.

I will truly miss my dog, yet I feel a bit foolish for crying over an animal, resorting to hiding away my tears from the crowd. I hate myself for feeling this way. By holding that mentality, am I not bringing insult to her life? Rather, I shouldn’t be ashamed. I should acknowledge the life and loss of true family, and in that regard I am right to mourn.

May she rest in peace, wherever peace resides.
She is a beacon of joy and a symbol of a beautiful past.

Great Global Cluster in Hercules
http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/ap071115.html

I admire astronomers. If the world were a perfect place, and I had no desire to care about my career, then I’d choose to lose myself in infinity. There’s a countless number of stars, planets, and indescribable phenomenon out there just begging for our understanding whilst we remain but a single germ. Alas, it’s a romantic sentiment to pursue something knowing that you’ll never in your lifetime come close to reaching that one thing that drives your passion. Now that’s something worth sighing for, yet I can’t help but cheer for those heroes that strive for it still: in pursuit of happiness. Man, I wish I could study the stars…

` When there’s no time to go grocery shopping,
I just resort to starving. Not the healthiest option, I know.
Yet all I need is milk but it’s so very very far away… `

Random rambling about my hunger after I just woke up. I’ll actually have a banana and a cup of noodle for breakfast. Okay shower now and off to yet another incredibly long, meeting infested day. Down with academics! Rise extracurricular, Rise! Sadly, I had a dream about marketing last night. Okay that’s enough — goodbye.

Actually no. I’m not leaving yet without updating the world about my schedule for next quarter (haha I’m so lame, sigh):

Every now and then I appreciate the solitude of an empty apartment.
It makes me feel independent and alive, moreso than I already am.
Roommates need to go on vacations more often.
I’ll hold down the fort.

I feel so SWAMPED…
Dropping my econ class has opened the door to way too much extra curricular and random appointments this quarter. There’s JSA, ASC, Senate, and AKPsi along with classes on top of that to worry about. Blargin! Even with successful time management, these are such huge tasks to juggle.

+ Sunday: AKPsi fundraiser 7-12am
+ Monday: JSA Masturi decorations committee meeting 3pm, phone interview w/ Microsoft for business communications class 4pm, AKPsi fundraiser 7-12am
+ Tuesday: ASC handbook before 1:30pm, ASUW Senate 4:30-7pm, AKPsi pledge meeting (with a quiz might I add) 7pm
+ Wednesday: ASC social kickoff 5-7pm
+ Thursday: OMG a day I’m finally free!…but I’ll be using it to catch up on homework, errands, and groceries…sigh
+ Friday: Register for classes 6am

Speaking of which, classes for next quarter are tentatively: