Wow. Still blogging.

Once again, I am returning from the longest hiatus of my life.

I feel the need to jot down my thoughts in some sort of way. Thus ushering in my triumphant return to the WordPress. Unfortunately, this is all a byproduct from months of stress and turmoil swirling around my head. Even talking it out with other people just doesn’t seem to be enough. I’m taking this opportunity to vent my frustrations via blog to see if it helps.

In fact, free-writing is helping me focus my train of thought with more speed and fluidity. Though overall, I’ve noticed how my writing has suffered because ideas just don’t come as fast as they used to. I haven’t exercised my mind as much as my body, and my work is hurting severely. From not being able to think quickly on my feet to not being able to eloquently express my thoughts when it matters, I need to find ways of speeding up my brain because, quite frankly, my career depends on it.

I’ve been working at the same agency for a while now. And I feel like I’m slowly letting myself slip into obscurity. Honestly, it might even be a detriment to be writing about it here for the public eye, but I’ll take that risk and own the responsibility in order to speak my truth uninhibited.

Advertising is a bitch. I never thought I’d be so reliant on praise. Maybe I was a fool to get into an industry where people soak it in to thrive. I miss being told my ideas are great. That my writing is amazing. “Good jobs” really go a long way for motivating me to do better. But it seems like everything I’ve been doing lately is wrong.

People stare at me blankly when I’m presenting ideas. People look at me as if I were an idiot when asking questions. They think all my opinions are a joke (and not the kind that illicit laughter). They assign me no work because they expect someone else to do it better. I feel like I’m being set upon on a road to failure, and I’m ultimately being nudged towards the path of being laid off. I’ve seen it all around me before with quite a few coworkers throughout the past two years. I can read the writings on the wall. I am being shut out from the people I refuse to kiss up to.

But should I just sit back and accept this as fate? Of course I don’t want to. But in order to stave off this supposed inevitability, I have to really WORK. Everyone seems to be working against me, but then again, that’s always been my life. Nothing ever came easy for me, and even though I might be in a rut at the moment, I have to push through and slay all the haters and obstacles in my way.

I’m less cutthroat than I used to be. I’m also less cunning. This may have been a result of indifference or being too self-conscious about the repercussions. But I think this has to change. I have to plant the seeds that ensure I open up my mouth to speak to everything I want and want to achieve. This New Yorker way of life is yet another beast I must learn to tame, and this is just a new old name of the game. But all this is, of course, easier said than done. Step one is to regain my brain power in terms of reading more. Writing more. Making sure I strengthen all the intellect in my arsenal to do battle with anyone who stands in my way.

This entry has essentially become my declaration of war. I’m going to take this career by the scrotum and squeeze out of it every last ounce of submission until I reach all my ambitions I duly deserve: Money, Power, Fame. Call me shallow, but in advertising, these are all the attributes one really needs to get and stay ahead. Starting today: I’m ready for blood.