It’s unfortunate how I feel like I have no one to relate to,
at least in my age group, about my decision to stop drinking.

A couple of weeks ago, I decided to quit until New Years Day at the very least. The motivation for this choice was that I really needed to focus on school. Alcohol seemed to drain the intelligence out of me, so it was about time that I took a long, liver-recuperating break. My European adventures plus this intense quarter of the party life wasn’t helping either. I had trained my body to become accustomed to booze at such an extent that even now, my body kinda craves it.

I used to think about those people in Alcoholics Anonymous and wonder, “How could that be so addicting? I mean, it’s not like alcohol was crack or something.” But now that I have quit literally cold turkey, I feel like I can somewhat relate to their symptoms of withdrawal. I really can’t describe it, but I feel uneasy and restless, unable to concentrate. Psychologically I know that I am dedicated to keeping my goal, but physically I crave the taste of liquor. I crave the state of mind I get after a few beers. It’s all a sick mentality when I take a step back and analyze it. Overall, the situation I was in can be summed up in one word: Unhealthy. The culmination of all those negatives really pushed me to stop.

But it’s hard to go at it alone. Of course all my peers have just turned 21 or are beginning to venture into the party scene. Even those once super-abstained and reserved are sippin’ the cissor at every social occasion they can get to. It’s so crazy how the roles have reversed. I seem to be the single person hoping to step back from this lifestyle and swim upstream toward a cleaner past.

This brings me to remember all those other people from my past who said at one point they wanted to drink less, but now that I recall, it was merely superficial. Perhaps it was the cool thing to quit, or at least say they wanted to. But then again, no one ever did. No one ever made a commitment. That is where I hope to deviate from their choices and hold strong in the face of temptation in sight of a greater goal.

Just that living in an environment of such extreme hedonism, makes me want to falter. Yet overall, I am taking this period as a work out for my psyche. If I train my willpower to endure this now, then that is just opening up the door for becoming stronger in resisting other things that are bad for me – hence, phasing out all the negativity in my life.

( I just read this entry to myself, and it sounds sooooo gaysian.
However, it was just something bothering me. It just needed to be said, although it does sound like a petty rant. Hah.

And I also found it amusing how I felt the need to justify my entry. Sigh on my self-image. )