I look so f’d up recently.
I haven’t been able to do my laundry because of a busy schedule,
the construction workers outside my apartment limit me from movement in my own room,
I’ve been coming home really late so I’m too lazy to wash my face,
my eating schedule is off because of appointments and errands,
and the guy who cut my hair made it really, really short.

I suppose all of this will heal in time, but in the meanwhile, I think my subconscious will beat me down and make me feel inferior to all. Overall, if you are feeling like you are having a bad day, I give you permission to stand next to me so you can feel better about yourself.

Protected:

I’ve become accustomed and overly skilled in running away from my problems.

I need a remedy. Dire remedy which can only be found within myself.

Spring break goals:

I feel as if whenever I leave, I just press a pause button.
Upon my return, I hit it again, and life remains the same, unchanged.
I just pick up where I left off since I last left.
After all this time, I’m still not quite sure if this is really something good or bad.

The last three tracks are exceptional.

08 Me 주희
09 또 한걸음 (Feat. Pdogg)
10 옷깃을 잡고서 (Feat. 민혜 Min Hye of Big Mama)

I’m always caught second guessing myself on whether what I’m doing is right. Should I have moved away from a loving and supportive family in order to pursue an education derived mostly on my fascination of a world I never knew? Am I wrong to have craved so much travel in so many places while experiencing things that I would have never imagined in my old life only a few years prior? Does my angst and craving adventure make me a demon in that I have forsaken those who have supported me to this place? I would surely hope not. I see and recognize that I will only live once, and to live my life as I would have wanted is something that I can never regret. To grow and be set free is the cycle of life for every human, animal, or entity. This is the natural progression of events and those who are held back due to fear and guilt are actually the ones I pity most. I have done no wrong here. Absorb all I can from the given moment and grant me the exciting youth that can never be regained once lost.

On the other hand, one might argue that now is the time to build on the foundations for a future worth living. My rebute to that would be that I am working on paving that road while still enjoying my experiences at the same moment. It is not as if I am fully unprepared for the ‘real world,’ but at the same time, I am not devoid of the ability to have fun in a social context. In an ideal situation, I will have close to another hundred years of work and experience to build my life and career. The precious 20 to 30 years of youth are priceless and can only be lived once. Seize the day and maximize the fleeting moment’s potential! If I follow through with this, I will never regret. To drop the ball on THAT would be the worst brand of shame I could bring upon my life.

I suppose I haven’t posted one of these entries yet so here goes.
My schedule for Spring quarter 2008:

Three posts, one day. Many random thoughts.

I can’t believe I missed yet ANOTHER season for snowboarding.
I’m going to start formulating a quota for myself next year!

The Dalai Lama is coming to campus on April 14. I really want to go see him, but no one wants to go with me. In fact, I am surprised that so little of my friends know about him and his accomplishments as a humanitarian. I’m more disturbed actually than anything else. At any rate, it has been difficult finding someone to go with me, so I’m using this entry as an open call! If you’re in the Seattle area, give me a ring-aling. I’ll consider this one of those ‘once in a lifetime’ opportunities.