By the way, why am I over-analyzing on Christmas?
Merry Christmas.

This is an entry of an honest opinion.

My friends in Seattle seem to be less motivated, less driven for success than the people I once knew in high school. I have come to this realization after speaking with so many characters who I had lost touch with but have now regained a relationship. I have discovered that it takes this juxtaposition to stumble upon epiphany. I was once so eager to become as successful as I could be, finding means to gain success in places where others could not. I’m not necessarily saying that I’m lacking that action right now, but it just seems like the company I keep at present is not the best in motivating me to strive for greater things and the amount of success that I was once so accustomed to achieving in high school. Essentially, I feel like people are holding me back with their attitudes and narrow minds. I know I should not linger on the past, but I am looking upon it as a means to enrich the present. I am driven by everyone else’s success(those from the prodigies of high school, mind you). I see them gaining great things, and I have to set a new bar for myself to catch up and surpass all my expectations for this world. On the other hand, I realize the need to pave my own future, and perhaps following in the footsteps of others would only seek to hinder my individual growth. Though all in all, I feel a bit lethargic in my current state of being. Will comparing myself to the success of others around me help in attaining that which makes me happy? If so, then by all means – that is what I’ll do!

What happened to my resolution to post more pictures in this thing? I’m going to get back on that. I’ll also try and make note of more positive occurrences in my life. Perhaps that will manifest itself into having more positives occurrences happen in my life. Haha.

How am I going to tell my dad that I’ve already paid for my lasik operation? I say it in a jestful “badass” manner, but really, I feel like a bad son to just go ahead and do things without their knowledge. On the other hand, I’m a grown adult. Does that make it okay?

I like vacations, but I’m starting to wonder if it’s the relaxing that is alluring or rather the times I get to run away from my problems? I really don’t want to go back to the slew of problems in Seattle. Their mere existence follows me in the back of my mind while I am here in Vegas. I dread what’s waiting for me at the end of the road. Essentially, there are certain people who I don’t care to see or interact with: those who seek to lie, cheat, and steal from me – those who test me each and every day. If I assert cutting them out of my life, that makes me seem the ‘dick’ and if I continue acting as if nothing were the matter, I would only continue to degrade my emotional well-being. Once again, I’m caught in a double-bind as the world around me gets more and more complex. Is it selfish to put myself above the rest? Or am I being stupid for allowing people to treat me as such? I guess it’s all a person’s viewpoint on life, but I am going to choose myself. People’s perceptions of me are important and perhaps they would begin to look down on me for choosing myself above others, but I see a greater outcome, and an overall happier lifestyle through this being my choice. Utilitarian: the greater good.

(Is my choice being driven by the American culture of individualism? Something that I don’t necessarily favor but an inherent trait nonetheless.)

我会告诉一个人， “그대라면” 。
Back to Vegas tomorrow. Nothing will have changed.
I need to physically stand in that spot, to realize once again.

A warning to all, from this point, I seek to disappear for a while – from the social scene that is. During school, it’s pretty much impossible given my various roles. But now that I will be on vacation, I am in no mood to interact with society. It’s time for a winter hibernation. Actually, this entry isn’t a warning to all, more like an affirmation to myself.

Why do all the woes in my life at the moment revolve around money? It’s never been like this before, but it feels like I’m being cheated left and right. Is this adulthood? I’m almost at the brink of not caring anymore and just wanting to give up on arguing. Go ahead world, screw me over!

WaMu lays off thousands of people today, including a few of my friends. To me, this impacts as a realization, an epiphany, an eye-opener. This is my first taste of reality toward the real situation our economy is in. Furthermore, I’m becoming more frightened with the fact, that in reality, I won’t be working after I graduate. There will have to be unpaid internships that I go through, but who’s to say that any of these that will lead me my ideal job.

Moreover, I question whether I’m ready to be living here in Seattle without a job, making all these expenses yet pulling in no salary. How long can I be supported by my parents before they make me move back to Vegas? It’s an uncertain world out there, and this time in comparison with college searching is more frightening. Overall…I feel kind of screwed all around.

I feel like I’m in those temporary high periods again.
One minute I’m happy and complacent with life as it is,
and the next moment, I’m sitting here staring pessimistically at the world.
Luckily, I’m posting this in one of those better times.
It’s sad how life is a constant struggle to maintain this feeling.
I wish it would just come naturally without my forcing.
But then I’d be asking for too much.
Live in the moment, the rest is beyond me and my understanding.