I feel like I have a skewed notion of friendship as I can’t bring myself to understand how a good relationship works. I find myself either expecting too much from one end and unwilling to let down my guard on the other. I either don’t trust or fear eventually being disappointed by those around me. My perception of friendship might be set on too high of a pedestal, but it seems like others around me have found company who keeps them happy.

Sure, I’ve met a lot of people in my day, but when I contemplate on it, who of those people can I really call upon in times of need? Who will call out to me when the roles reverse? I find myself merely ‘hanging out,’ ‘killing time,’ but not really enjoying or cherishing those who surround me. All in all, I haven’t met anyone who I could truly depend on as a friend by my definition in a very long time. Have I set my standards too high? Or do these people exist somewhere waiting for me to find them? Pity that I am writing another morose entry on the dawn of a new year, but it took this day among others for me to realize and cite these issues plaguing my conscience.