Journal Writing Exercise

Kinda ironic I’m posting my journal writing exercise from class into my actual journal. Well…it sounded more dramatic in my head. At any rate, I wrote this in the span of an hour, and it stirred a lot of reaction in class. Thought I’d share it here as well.

The exercise was to write four journal entries at different points in your life. I turned those four into a single narrative. To preface, it’s a hybrid between fact and fiction. However, all the events I mention have happened.

=================================================

8 years old
Today was sunny and not that hot. Mom said we could go to Meadows Mall and buy one toy from the store because I was a good boy. I asked if Will could come too. Will’s mom said it was okay, so I was excited he came with me to buy Jurassic Park Legos. I always wanted that. Dinosaurs are my favorite. We went back home, and Mom said me and Will could play until dinner time.

14 years old
They ditched me. Fannie, Will, Andrew, and Yong. They ditched me. I thought we were best friends. They lied to me and left on a road trip to California without telling me. They’re even posting pictures on Xanga. Screw them seriously. Vegas is so boring. Everyone wants to get out. Especially me! Damn, I wish I had a car.

But I guess the more I think about it, I’m really only mad at Will. No. I’m more disappointed. I don’t care about the others, but Will and I grew up together. Why does he think he can treat me that way? We’ve always been neighbors. We’ve always been best friends. It’s like after meeting these other people, he’s changed. Why do you have to be such an asshole when we’re around others, dude? C’mon. What a poser.

18 years old
Just got back from the Key Club Convention in Sacramento, and it was an amazing experience. Not only did I win Bulletin Editor of the Year, I won Second Place website too. It felt awesome going up on stage and accepting the award in front of a screaming crowd. Not to mention, kicking my heels on stage got me in the recap video at the end of the convention. Wah ha ahaha!

Also good news, Will won Key Club Treasurer of the Year. The dynamic duo strikes again. That night we both went back to the hotel room with the rest of the group, and got drunk off our asses. It was insane. We managed to pack almost the entire floor into our room. So many people cramped in one sweaty space, but regardless, this was probably one of the most memorable nights of my life.

I may have felt like shit the next day, but I by no means regret it. Why not go balls to the wall? Senior year is a time for celebration and prom is just around the corner. I already got into UW, so I wanna enjoy high school while it lasts.

I’m on this emotional high, but I can’t help but be a little sad about moving away. Say goodbye to familiar family and friends. Especially Will. I just learned he got into Columbia. That means he’s off to New York City at the end of the summer. That’s on the freakin’ other side of the planet as far as I’m concerned. But I know he’s got great things in store for his future, and hopefully one day his successful ass can get me a job in whatever corporation he’s running.

23 years old
Will committed suicide today.

I got the call literally a minute after I saw Lucy posting about it on Facebook. It tears me up inside that I had to find out about this through some fucking social media. No. I’m really torn up about the fact this could even happen in the first place. Why wasn’t I there? Why did we allow ourselves to drift so far apart? What could have compelled him to take a fucking gun to his skull in front of his own family? What the fuck is wrong with this world? It doesn’t make any damn sense.

My mind is racing a mile a minute, and I don’t know whether I should cry, be angry, or talk to someone about it. I don’t understand how someone can be in this world one minute and be completely gone the next. It’s surreal. I feel as if I could just grab my cellphone, scroll down to his name, and give him a call right now. He’ll pick up and this whole thing would just have been a horrible dream.

But of course that’s impossible. I’m sad. Not delusional. He’s gone for no reason at all, and he’s left us here in this fucked up reality to lament and be confused over something we had no control. I hate him for being so selfish, but I miss him so much more. There’s nothing more I regret than never being able to tell him these feelings in person.