30-Day Blog Challenge: 12

Day 12: Something you hope to change about yourself and why.
Entries seem a bit redundant? Maybe because I can’t seem to stay on topic. Nonetheless, there are many things I hope to change about myself. This probably stems from the fact, that I’m never satisfied with what I’ve already got. The grass is greener on the other side, I suppose.

To begin with, I wish I had a nicer body. Sure I’ve been working out for a long time, but things always seem to get in the way of my routine. From extreme homework, visitors, and poor eating habits. I’m not and have not been where I wanted to be for a long time. If anything, I felt like I was in better shape in Seattle. I blame most of this on how I can’t find the time to have a proper meal and also save money. The paradox. Should I save money or just blow it all on my health? Either way I’m losing. I suppose this change just takes time and is a game of patience. Hopefully getting a full-time job out of school will afford me some more stability to once again pursue my fitness. AND allow me the means to afford it.

I also wish I were smarter. I’m finally surrounding myself with creative people who are winning awards left and right. I’m jealous. Networking can help but even then, I’m just so awkward around meeting industry professionals. They look at me like another pathetic peon in the masses. How do I make myself stand out? Easy answer: I have to produce great work. However, what I think is great turns out to be shit in the eyes of others. Kills my ego slowly everyday. Practice makes perfect and mastery comes over time, but I wish I were as naturally talented as some people in this school. Once again the only thing I can do is repeat my affirmation: IT’S NOT THE HEIGHT OF YOUR LOGIC, BUT THE DEPTH OF YOUR CONVICTION.

Somehow, someday, somewhere all my hard work has to pay off.